Dream Blog #3- Remembering...

My Step-Dad, Ralph, passed away on July 11, 2009. He was driving his motorcycle down a hill and, somehow, lost control. The bike threw him and he hit the ground in such a way that killed him. He was gone almost instantly. I will never forget that day. I will never forget the panic in my mother's voice when she called me. I will never forget the 4 1/2 hour drive to Arkansas, the longest drive in my life. I will never forget the week following his death. Planning a funeral, picking out what he would wear, helping my mother get through the next moment. It has been the single hardest thing I have ever had to go through and I know I am not the same person I was before he died. It has been just over 6 months now and I still find myself tearing up when I hear a song or see something that reminds me of him. I even had a dream about him last night.

I was having a very hard time sleeping last night and I don't really remember the entire dream because I was in and out of consciousness. I do know that I was dreaming that I was dreaming. Weird, I know. I was sleeping and I heard Ralph's voice. He was talking to my mom. I don't remember everything he said. However, I do remember him saying, "Hey Babe." His voice was so clear. It was like he was in the next room. When I woke up (in my dream) I was so excited that I heard his voice because I knew I didn't want to forget what it sounded like.

That's all I really remember about that dream, but it got me thinking of another dream that I would like to share. I had this dream while I was staying with my Mom at the beginning of August.

My brother, sister, mom, and I were preparing Ralph to be buried. We were actually cleaning him and trying to place him in the casket. We were also doing all of this outdoors, at the cemetery. However, Ralph's body was just being difficult. A leg would fall out of the casket and then just as we would get it tucked back in, his arm would fall out to the side. I was frustrated and grief stricken, so I walked away and watched as the rest of my family struggled to get him in the casket. Just then, he sat up! He suddenly had a huge grin on his face. He got out of the casket, grabbed my mom, and started dancing. He was dancing with her all around the cemetery, picking up flowers for her as he went. Then he started dancing toward me. When he reached me, he grabbed my hand, looked me in the eye, and just kept smiling. He never said a word. He just smiled and danced. I tried to follow him, but then I saw his son, David, all dressed in black. He was wearing sunglasses and I could tell he had been crying. He looked at me and said, "It's just so hard, isn't it?" "Yes, it is." was all I could say with tears in my own eyes.

Those tears were in my eyes when I woke up that morning. That dream wasn't just a dream. I could FEEL his hand in my hand. It wasn't the cold, stiff hand that we had placed in ground just a few weeks earlier. It was warm and was able to move freely. I believe that Ralph was letting me know he was ok. He was dancing in heaven, just waiting for us all to be there, too.

This is the poem I read at his funeral...

"I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky mingle with each other.
Then someone at my side says "There, she is gone."
"Gone where?"
"Gone from my sight. That is all."
She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as when she left my side and she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at that moment when someone says "There, she is gone" there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout - "Here she comes!"

(The picture of this rose is from the grave site of Ralph L. Hudson)

Dream Blog #2- The Biggest Loser

Ok... So I LOVE the reality show, The Biggest Loser. I love how, for the most part, it's not about how you play the game. It's about changing your life. And not for money or fame. It's about figuring out how to live a healthy life style in a hectic world. In the end the contestants are able to live longer, fuller, happier lives.

Because I watch the show, almost religiously (it's sad really), it doesn't surprise me that I had a dream that I was a contestant. So, here's the dream...

Myself and the other Biggest Loser contestants were sitting at a picnic table. We were near the beach and, although, we were near it, we weren't close enough to see it. Jillian & Bob came up to give us our challenge. We were to run.

Now, on a side note, I don't run. In real life, I don't run. I will ride a bike, hang out on an elliptical machine, and find other workouts, but running is not something I have ever been able to do. I have weak knees and I have never had very good cardio. However, I have always envied those who could run. They always talk about how exhilarating it is. Ok, so back to the dream...

I was terrified about running. I just knew I was going to fail. I honestly don't remember how long we were supposed to run. I do know it was several miles. I started running with the rest of the group and then saw a separate path. I knew the path was longer, but the scenery was better. So, I left the group and went on my own, down the long path. I jogged my way through some trees. I smelled the beach before I got to it. The smell of warm salt water filled my nose and I took a big, deep breath. Then I came out of the trees and onto the beach. The fresh breeze in my nose and the feel of the sand under my feet gave me what I needed. I thought to myself, I should be getting tired. But I wasn't tired. I was full of energy. My legs were going to take me anywhere I wanted. Just then I realized a spirit in the air. Right at that moment I knew that my step-dad, Ralph, was looking down at me very proud at what I was accomplishing. With a huge smile and tears pouring down my face, I continued to run.

When I woke up, I felt at peace.

Dream Blog #1 - The Fire

So, this is my first dream blog. I hope you enjoy...

I was at work preparing for the visit from my corporate office. I went to walk one of the apartments and noticed a huge hole in the wall of a hallway. As I was examining the hole, I noticed all kinds of wiring and insulation. I could tell it was all very old. Some of the wiring even looked a little burnt. That's when I saw it... smoke. Oh... that's not good. I went into the apartment that had the adjoining wall, which was vacant, and noticed a hole in the wall on that side as well. At this point Leo, one of the maintenance guys from a sister property, was working on the wiring in the wall in the hallway. Brandy, a Property Manager from a sister property, was also their trying to help figure out the problem. As I looked at the hole inside the apartment I noticed flames. My building was on fire! I called 911 and we did what we could to keep it contained. It wasn't big flames... it was like the material on the inside of the wall was smoldering, but we knew that if someone didn't get their quick, we would have a big problem. Brandy, who has had some real problems at her property looked at me, almost defeated, and said, "You can go ahead and go home. I will stay here and wait for the fire trucks." My response to her was, "No, if you are here, I am here." Soon after the fire trucks pulled up and started putting axes to the walls of the building so they could cut out the fire.

And that's were it ended. I woke up to Andy telling me to get up so we could go work out (at 5:30).

Sometimes, I don't know where my dreams come from. This one is right on about how stressed I am about the visit from our corporate office. Which really is happening next Wednesday. Brandy has also had to deal with a lot at her property. During this last summer and with all the rain we got, her property flooded multiple times. On January 1st of this year one of her town homes caught fire and caused nearly $500,000 in damage and totaled two town homes. And just last weekend a pipe froze and burst in the bathroom to their maintenance shop. It flooded their entire basement level and ruined many important items. I admire her ability to keep pushing on, even though I am sure she feels like giving up.

So, here's hoping! Hoping that my corporate visit goes well and that no catastrophes happen on my property. Also hoping that my colleague will catch a break and have no more catastrophes, and maybe even get a long vacation in a warm place.

Have a great day!

Me

The Beginning

Well, here I am. Blogging...

Why blog? Why not?? I think it will be a fantastic way for me to get my thoughts out. I will start with the scoop on my life in general. I am married to my wonderful husband of 3 years and 4 months, Andy. He brings my life happiness, love, quite a bit of humor. He is everything I have ever wanted and I truly believe he is my gift from God. I mean, just check him out... Wouldn't you love him, too?



Ok, so I can't really say that we are a "serious" couple, and I can say that we don't have a relationship that most people call "normal". Most people don't really get our relationship, but we have both decided that's ok with us. We have three people in our lives who's opinions matter. That is the two of us and God.

We have two dogs... Boxers. Their names are Fender and Marshall. We got Fender when he was just 4 weeks old. He was so cute...




We decided that he needed a buddy when he was about 2 years old, so we found Marshall...




And they have been inseparable ever since.




They are wonderful dogs and they give us a lot of enjoyment. Fender is very in touch with my emotions. He will whine and pace around when I am upset. If Andy isn't home at night, Fender will sleep right by the side of the bed and will growl at every sound he hears. Marshall is the one that Andy calls "special". He is always happy and a little skidish. He will jump and run away if the trash can lid is closed a little too hard. His purpose in life is to make everyone around him happy.

So, now that you've met my family, I will tell you a little about me. I am 28 years old for exactly 15 more days. Which means I will be in my 20's for exactly 380 days. My life before age 25 was a series of ups and downs. I was in a horrible relationship and was very distant from my family. I often ask myself how it was that I got out of that rut. Looking back I know it was God looking out for me. I don't think people would believe me if I told them about the person I was just 4 years ago. I have had such a dramatic change (for the good). Although, my past has helped shape me into the person I am today, it does not define me. However, as I write, I am trying to think about what does define me...

I am a Property Manager for an apartment complex in Southeast Wichita. I consider myself a good Property Manager and I enjoy what I do. However, it does not define me.

I volunteer at my church. I LOVE my church! I am the lead teacher for the three year old's during the 9:30 service on Sunday morning. I enjoy watching the children grow. There are some Sunday mornings that I just don't feel like going to church, but it never fails that I have the best time with those kids. I love the music we sing during worship and I love the messages brought be Pastor Mark. However, my involvement in church does not define me.

I am defined by the gift God has given me. It is my heart. Not my physical heart that pumps the blood to my body, but the one that swells at sappy movies and love songs. I have a desire to see people happy and I love it that much more if I am the one that did it. I hate to see people hurting and I will do what I can to take hurt away. One of my favorite songs is "Fix You" by Coldplay. When my step-dad passed away this past July all I wanted to do was "fix" the hurt my mom was feeling. Since then I have discovered that is just the way I am. When people hurt, I want to fix them, even when I know I can't.

So... that is me. In a nutshell. I am excited about being able to write more about me and what is going on in my life. I think I will also use this as a source to write out my dreams. Something else God has given me is a very active imagination... while I'm asleep. I have to most odd dreams and they are typically very vivid. I even dream in color, which I know is very uncommon. Although I won't reveal all of my dreams (I will keep them PG on here), I think you will all enjoy the ones I share. Just as a preview... I have had dreams about my sister turning into an alligator, ones where I have entered magical lands through a tv remote, dreams about a battle between Satan and God where the song "The Devil Went Down To Georgia" was the theme song, and even one where I was an Olympic Gymnast (my most recent). I don't watch horror movies because I will dream about it the next night. So, stay tuned for more on my life and for the occasional dream blog.

Have a great day!

Me