21 Days of Prayer/Journaling - Day 15 - "Abba"

Abba expresses the special relationship between a believer and God. It is an intimate term and is better translated as "daddy". Today's journal is dedicated to Father's Day. Yesterday was the day to celebrate the Dads in our lives. I have  been fortunate to have 3 Dads who have shaped me into the woman I am today.

My biological Father's name is David. He and my mom divorced when I was 7 years old. My mom had primary custody, so I only saw my Dad every other weekend during school months and two weeks out of the summer. My childhood honestly isn't filled with a lot of warm fuzzy daddy daughter moments. My parents fought a lot and my dad was most definitely a disciplinarian. He was fearless, though. I do remember going to watch him sky dive on the weekends. We would spend the day in Lyons, KS where he would strap on a parachute, climb into a plane, and jump out of it at 15,000 feet. I loved watching his chute open and see him float to the ground. I've wanted to sky dive ever since I watched my dad.

I decided to move in with my dad when I was 13. I wanted to feel that daddy daughter relationship so badly. Unfortunately, Dad fell away from God when I was approximately 14 years old. He watched my mom remarry and I believe that 7 years of loneliness finally caught up to him. He married a woman who wanted nothing to do with God. Not long after they were married, they began to argue. There were a few times that I would have to get in the middle of the two of them because I was fearful that my Dad would physically harm my step-mom. My dad had anger like I had never seen before. I became a rebellious teenager and was kicked out of his house when I was 16. Things were said and done that left very deep scars and it took years to forgive him.

My dad ended up divorcing his second wife a few years later. He has since married a wonderful woman who has faith like I have never seen. They have been married for 10 years and are a very happy couple. I spent years asking God to help me forgive my dad. I can honestly say that I have forgiven him and we have been rebuilding a relationship for the last few years. I love my dad very much and I am so proud that he has rediscovered God in his life.

My Step-Dad's name was Ralph. He married my mom when I was 14 years old. I feel sorry for my step-dad. Like I said before, I was a rebellious teenager. I wasn't very happy with the fact that he "stole" my mom. It took many years for me to warm up to him. I finally came to realize that he loved my mom very much and he would do anything for her. I began to appreciate his role in my life. On July 11, 2009, my step-dad died in a motorcycle accident. To this day I feel an enormous amount of grief. I regret not giving him the chance he deserved. Although I was rebellious and hard to get along with, he loved me and was proud of who I was. I miss his role in my life very much!

My Father-In-Law is Robert, aka Bobby. He is a quiet man and I honestly don't know a lot about him. However, I do know that he has welcomed me into his family with open arms and an open heart. He has brought me roses for Valentines Day and for my birthday. It is a Clifford family tradition to celebrate birthdays with the entire family. Dinner is made and we all get together to eat and laugh. Like always, we all got together for my birthday this year. Bobby always says a prayer before we eat. We all gathered into a circle and held hands. He thanked God for the food and for getting together and then, to my surprise, his voice cracked as he thanked God for me. He could barely finish his prayer as he thanked God for bringing me into the family. I feel honored to be part of a family who loves and accepts me for me. They have no expectations and no preconceived notions. They love me with all my flaws. Bobby may not say it out loud very often, but I know I am loved by him.

I have been blessed with Dad's who love me. However, they have all fallen short. For a long time, I searched for that warm, fuzzy, daddy daughter relationship. I searched for it from my Dad and I searched for it with a relationship from a man who ended up breaking my heart. It wasn't until I searched for that relationship with God that I found what I was looking for. I don't blame the Dads in my life for falling short of my expectations for a daddy figure. They are all imperfect beings, just as I am. The perfect daddy is God. He accepts me for who I am (Ephesians 1:6), I am loved unconditionally (John 3:16), I am innocent from my rebellious nature (Ephesians 1:4), I am chosen in Him (Ephesians 1:4), and I am forgiven (Ephesians 1:7).

Today, I thank God for the men he has placed in my life to be my Dads. They may not be perfect, but they love me. And I thank God for being the perfect Daddy and for being there when I need him the most!