21 Days of Prayer/Journaling - Day 6 - "True Love"

Today's question is, "Do you remember your first real prayer?"

I remember the prayer when I asked Jesus to enter my life. I don't know how old I was and I'm not sure of the exact date, but I know all the other details. I had grown up in church and even repeated a "salvation prayer" a few years before. However, this day was different. I had seen my Dad read through the bible several times and I wanted to do that myself. I remember someone telling me to start with the book of John. So, I was reading my bible and I read John 14:6.


"I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

That's when it hit me. I understood at that point exactly what salvation meant! I then felt this enormous feeling of guilt because I realized that I was baptized after I repeated that prayer a few years earlier. It seemed like I had done the wrong thing and I didn't know how to approach my Dad about it. It took me several days before I finally went to my Dad and told him that I finally understood salvation and that I felt like I needed to truly ask Jesus into my life. I think it was a very proud moment for my Dad. We knelt at the foot of his couch and I asked Jesus to come into my heart and be a part of my life. Within a few weeks I was baptized again, but this time it was right!

Although this prayer changed my life, it was not the prayer that I would consider my most significant. 

Years went by and, like many of my christian brothers and sisters, I fell away from God. I fell victim to religion and the hate and narrow mindedness that it brings. I went to a "Christian" school during my eighth grade year. I was expected to be the perfect "Christian" girl during class, but was teased by my classmates if I wouldn't join them in smoking weed after class. I was so relieved to be back in public school during my high school years. At least I could just blend in and get by.

During my sophomore year of high school I met a boy who I would end up dating for 8 1/2 years. I ended up moving in with him before I graduated and we had an on & off relationship the entire time we dated. I stopped relying on God and I relied on this boy to make me feel special, wanted, and loved. My heart was broken so many times. I was verbally abused through the entire relationship and started to believe that I was the things he told me. I felt ugly, stupid, and worthless. I didn't feel like I deserved any better. By this time we were engaged to be married and I was going through the motions to spend the rest of my life with this boy.

Luckily, God had a different plan! There was a series of events that happened that led us to be invited to Judgement House at Newspring Church (It was Messiah Baptist at the time). I don't remember much about Judgement House that year. I was so worried about what my fiance was thinking, that I was unable to focus on the play. We were in a very rough place in our relationship and I felt like it was unraveling. About a month after Judgement House I left my house and went for a drive. I found myself pulling into the church parking lot and I remember hoping that someone would be there. I desperately needed someone to talk to. Since it was about 11:00 at night, no one was there (or so I thought). I stopped, parked, and prayed. I asked God to tell me what to do. I told him that I would marry this man if He wanted me to. I told Him that I would be a faithful wife and would live with whatever was dealt my way. Even if it was physical abuse. That's when I first heard God "talking" back to me. I heard that gentle whisper and God said, "You are not to be with that man!" It surprised me because it was not what I expected. I remember asking, "Are you sure?!" All I heard was silence. I knew what I had to do. I started driving home and the entire time I prayed for strength to leave this boy who I had been trapped with for so long. God gave me that strength.

Shortly after I left the boy I had learned to rely on, God revealed how I should rely on Him. I went through several small group classes where I learned how much God loves me and cherishes me and wants to use me for His good. He also gave me the love of a man who has since become my husband. I love my husband more than any other person and I don't question his love for me! However, there are times that we fail at showing our love for each other. During those times, I put my focus on God's perfect love for me. It helps me remember that we are imperfect beings and makes it easier to forgive my husband or even to apologize when I am the one at fault.

This experience I had with prayer has taught me the importance of communicating with God. It has also taught me that He will talk to you if you are willing to listen and He will bless you if you are willing to obey. I would have had a very different life had I not pulled over to talk to God that night. I am so thankful that He is there to listen and I am so thankful that I can always rely on Him to love me!