21 Days of Prayer/Journaling - Day 8 - "Strong & Courageous"

Today's daily prayer message included a story from the Matthew 8:5-10.

When Jesus returned to Capernaum, a Roman officer came and pleaded with him, “Lord, my young servant lies in bed, paralyzed and in terrible pain.”

Jesus said, “I will come and heal him.”

But the officer said, “Lord, I am not worthy to have you come into my home. Just say the word from where you are, and my servant will be healed. I know this because I am under the authority of my superior officers, and I have authority over my soldiers. I only need to say, ‘Go,’ and they go, or ‘Come,’ and they come. And if I say to my slaves, ‘Do this,’ they do it.”

When Jesus heard this, he was amazed. Turning to those who were following him, he said, “I tell you the truth, I haven’t seen faith like this in all Israel!


This story really intrigued me. The Roman soldier had a tremendous amount of faith that Jesus could heal his servant and that he could do it from where they stood. However, there is something else that I see in this story that really makes me stop and think. This man was a Roman soldier. Roman emperors were considered gods and Roman soldiers were to pay homage to their god and their god alone. It was against the law to to worship any god but the Roman gods. Jesus was going around telling people that he was God! This Roman soldier had a lot of courage to go before Jesus and ask for His help.  He could have been jailed or even killed.

It makes me ask myself, "Would I risk my life to spend a moment with Jesus?"

I am very fortunate to live in The United States of America. I have the freedom to not only choose to follow Jesus, but I can even write about it in this blog. However, even I get scared by the things I'm not supposed to say or do. I work in the apartment industry and a very common term is "Fair Housing". Fair Housing was created for equal housing opportunities to all Americans and it prohibits discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, national origin, handicap, and familial status. I do agree with Fair Housing laws and the reason they were created. However, every Fair Housing seminar I attend goes over all the things we can't say or do in the chance that we may offend someone. We can't have community Christmas parties because a person of another religion may feel excluded. We can put up eggs and bunnies in our offices for Easter, but don't mention Jesus dying on the cross. We are reminded over and over that, if a person files a fair housing complaint, it's not just against the property, but against ME personally. They can not only take my job, but they can sue me for everything I have. I will have residents who come into my office telling me that a loved one just died, or they lost their job, or they are having a hard time with their kids. I so badly want to tell them that I will pray for them. But that "Fair Housing" poster hanging in my office is looming over me. What if this person isn't a Christian and is offending by me telling them that I would pray for them? So I say nothing and my fear stops me from spending a moment with Jesus.

The thing I have to remember is that it wasn't the faith of the servant that Jesus admired so much. It was the faith of the Roman soldier who was courageous enough ask Jesus for help. The servant may not have even been a Christian, but that didn't matter. Jesus was looking at the courageous faith of the Roman soldier. How can I be courageous like this Roman soldier? There is verse after verse in the Bible where God tells us to be courageous.

Deuteronomy 31:6, 7, & 23 says, "Be Strong & Courageous!"
Joshua 1:6, 7, 9, & 18 says, "Be Strong & Courageous!"
Joshua 10:25 says, "Be Strong & Courageous!"

Do you think that God is telling me something? I am to have courage, like that Roman soldier. If I see a need that only God can fix, I need to go to God instead of being fearful. It doesn't matter if the person standing in my office is a Christian. My prayers will be heard by the only God that matters and the only God that can help them. If I am courageous, he will use my faith for His good works!

21 Days of Prayer/Journaling - Day 7 - "Yes, No, Wait"

Today we learned more about prayer at church. Pastor Hoover raised the question, " Are all prayers answered?" The answer is yes. God answers are prayers in three distinct ways. Yes, No, or Wait.

I have had experience with all of these answers.

The most recent time I was told "yes" was when I got my new job. The previous job I held was great and I worked with a lot of wonderful people. However, I was gone all the time. I was a District Manager for apartments and I had 15 complexes all over Kansas and one in Missouri. I spent so many nights in a hotel room and so much time stressing about things I couldn't control. My marriage was suffering because there were times that my husband needed me and I just couldn't be there. I started looking for local jobs with the understanding that it may take a long time to find something. I started praying for God to open doors. Within a few weeks I had a few interviews. There was a job that I was interested in and they really liked what I had to offer. However, I would have had to take a large pay cut if I took the job. Then I got a call from someone looking for a Property Manager. I wasn't very hopeful because I assumed that he wouldn't be able to match the salary of someone who managed 15 properties. However, I decided to see what he had to say. There were very specific skill sets that I had that he needed for a property that he had just purchased. He needed someone with rehab experience, Tax Credit experience, and someone who was self-motivated. Because of the large project he had just purchased, he was willing to pay more for the right person. I remember driving home from the interview and a thought entered my mind.

James 4:2 "You don't have what you want because you don't ask God for it."

Then I asked God to give me the job. My prayer went something like this, "God, I want this job. Please give me this job so I can be home more." The job was offered to me within a week. I am so thankful that God answered that prayer for me! I love that I can be home every night to eat dinner with my husband. And because my stress level has decreased significantly, I can be there for him when he needs me emotionally.

The biggest "No" I have received happened almost 3 years ago. It was a warm Saturday afternoon on July 11, 2009. I was working at an apartment complex that I was a Property Manager for when I got the phone call that would rock my world. My mom, hysterically crying, tried explaining to me that her husband of over 15 years was just in a motorcycle accident. She was in the vehicle of one of the first responders following my step-dad in an ambulance on their way to the hospital. I could barely understand her words as she tried explaining what had happened. I told her that I was on my way to her and asked what hospital she was in. Since she and my step-dad lived in Northwest Arkansas, it would take over 4 hours to get there. I got off the phone and closed the office. I called my sister, who lived in Kansas City, and she said she was also on her way to Arkansas. By the time I got home, we had some friends there to pick up our dogs and my husband had packed up some clothes. He left to get some gas while I finished packing. I prayed and prayed and prayed. I just knew that God could save my step-dad! While I was packing I got a call from my mom saying that my step-dad had died. My heart sank and all I could say was, "NO!" The car ride to Arkansas was a blur. I just knew that I needed to be there for my mom, who just became a widow.

I still don't know why God chose to take my step-dad that day. I don't know why he decided to say "No" to that prayer. I place my faith in Him and trust that He knows what He is doing. I also trust that I will see my step-dad again. I will be able to wrap my arms around him and tell him how much he means to me. I miss him more than words can express!

I spoke about my "Wait" on Day 2 of my journal. God has asked me to wait to have children. The wait has been difficult, but I have learned to trust God's timing. I know that God will, one day, bless me with a child and I will be thrilled when that day comes. I am naturally a very impatient person, though. I hate to wait the 25 minutes for brownies to cook in the oven! I would rather have the satisfaction of eating those warm delicious brownies right now! However, if I don't allow the brownies the time to cook they will be cold, gooey, and may even possibly give me salmonella. I guess God is still cooking my brownies. The end result will be sweet and amazing if I am just patient enough! Pastor Hoover gave a great analogy about waiting today. He said that many times God takes something great out of our hands and goes to get something better. However, while He is getting the better thing, we look and only see empty hands. I am going to choose to take a different approach! Have you ever had someone ask you to close your eyes and put out your hands for a surprise? Yes, my hands are empty at the moment. But I am giddy with anticipation of the wonderful surprises that God has for me! I don't know when I will get it, but I know it is coming!

21 Days of Prayer/Journaling - Day 6 - "True Love"

Today's question is, "Do you remember your first real prayer?"

I remember the prayer when I asked Jesus to enter my life. I don't know how old I was and I'm not sure of the exact date, but I know all the other details. I had grown up in church and even repeated a "salvation prayer" a few years before. However, this day was different. I had seen my Dad read through the bible several times and I wanted to do that myself. I remember someone telling me to start with the book of John. So, I was reading my bible and I read John 14:6.


"I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

That's when it hit me. I understood at that point exactly what salvation meant! I then felt this enormous feeling of guilt because I realized that I was baptized after I repeated that prayer a few years earlier. It seemed like I had done the wrong thing and I didn't know how to approach my Dad about it. It took me several days before I finally went to my Dad and told him that I finally understood salvation and that I felt like I needed to truly ask Jesus into my life. I think it was a very proud moment for my Dad. We knelt at the foot of his couch and I asked Jesus to come into my heart and be a part of my life. Within a few weeks I was baptized again, but this time it was right!

Although this prayer changed my life, it was not the prayer that I would consider my most significant. 

Years went by and, like many of my christian brothers and sisters, I fell away from God. I fell victim to religion and the hate and narrow mindedness that it brings. I went to a "Christian" school during my eighth grade year. I was expected to be the perfect "Christian" girl during class, but was teased by my classmates if I wouldn't join them in smoking weed after class. I was so relieved to be back in public school during my high school years. At least I could just blend in and get by.

During my sophomore year of high school I met a boy who I would end up dating for 8 1/2 years. I ended up moving in with him before I graduated and we had an on & off relationship the entire time we dated. I stopped relying on God and I relied on this boy to make me feel special, wanted, and loved. My heart was broken so many times. I was verbally abused through the entire relationship and started to believe that I was the things he told me. I felt ugly, stupid, and worthless. I didn't feel like I deserved any better. By this time we were engaged to be married and I was going through the motions to spend the rest of my life with this boy.

Luckily, God had a different plan! There was a series of events that happened that led us to be invited to Judgement House at Newspring Church (It was Messiah Baptist at the time). I don't remember much about Judgement House that year. I was so worried about what my fiance was thinking, that I was unable to focus on the play. We were in a very rough place in our relationship and I felt like it was unraveling. About a month after Judgement House I left my house and went for a drive. I found myself pulling into the church parking lot and I remember hoping that someone would be there. I desperately needed someone to talk to. Since it was about 11:00 at night, no one was there (or so I thought). I stopped, parked, and prayed. I asked God to tell me what to do. I told him that I would marry this man if He wanted me to. I told Him that I would be a faithful wife and would live with whatever was dealt my way. Even if it was physical abuse. That's when I first heard God "talking" back to me. I heard that gentle whisper and God said, "You are not to be with that man!" It surprised me because it was not what I expected. I remember asking, "Are you sure?!" All I heard was silence. I knew what I had to do. I started driving home and the entire time I prayed for strength to leave this boy who I had been trapped with for so long. God gave me that strength.

Shortly after I left the boy I had learned to rely on, God revealed how I should rely on Him. I went through several small group classes where I learned how much God loves me and cherishes me and wants to use me for His good. He also gave me the love of a man who has since become my husband. I love my husband more than any other person and I don't question his love for me! However, there are times that we fail at showing our love for each other. During those times, I put my focus on God's perfect love for me. It helps me remember that we are imperfect beings and makes it easier to forgive my husband or even to apologize when I am the one at fault.

This experience I had with prayer has taught me the importance of communicating with God. It has also taught me that He will talk to you if you are willing to listen and He will bless you if you are willing to obey. I would have had a very different life had I not pulled over to talk to God that night. I am so thankful that He is there to listen and I am so thankful that I can always rely on Him to love me!

21 Days of Prayer/Journaling - Days 4 & 5 - "Choice"

I am completing two days in one because I was very sick yesterday. I started feeling "yucky" early in the day and by 2:00 I was dizzy, nauseated, and very tired. I went home from work at 2:30 and went straight to bed. I don't think my head hit the pillow before I was asleep and I slept hard until after 6:00pm. I only woke up because my dog was standing at the foot of the bed, whining (he needed to go outside). I ate a peanut butter sandwich and laid in bed, watching TV, until 9:30 when I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. I slept for another 9 1/2 hours when my alarm went off at 7:00am this morning. I reluctantly got out of bed and took a shower to get ready for the day. I still feel very tired and lightheaded today. My nausea comes in waves, but isn't as strong as it was yesterday. It looks like my weekend will consist of a lot of resting!

Yesterday we were challenged to pray for something big. To be quite honest, the only thing I could muster up to pray for yesterday, was to feel better. I really hate being sick! I had big plans to help my husband work on his Jeep last night. Instead, I was confined to my bed. I also really wanted to complete this journal. However, I couldn't finish a cognitive thought if I wanted to. I am having a hard time with it today, even! This journal entry may take me all night to finish! I kind of feel like Day 4 was a bust for me. I still spoke with God, but it was very small thoughts in between sleeping. It certainly wasn't the deep, meaningful conversations of the days before. I think that is something that I truly love about God, though. His love for me is the same yesterday, today, and forever. I didn't have the physical strength to sit down and talk to God yesterday. However, I know that His love for me has not changed and He is thrilled to talk with me today!

I am REALLY excited about Day 5! The question for today is:

"Have you ever known someone whose prayers seemed to make things happen?"

The reason this question is so exciting for me is because of the context in which it was asked. During church last week, Pastor Hoover told a story about when he was in Bible school. The theory that was taught was that everything is Predestined and that we have no free will. His teacher asked him a question... "Do you know of any time in the Bible that God has promised something that didn't come to pass?" Pastor Hoover's response was, "Well, yes!" He then shared the story in 2 Kings 20:1-6 where King Hezekiah became deathly ill. God sent a servant to tell Hezekiah that he was dying and to make sure his affairs were in order. Hezekiah was devastated and pleaded with the Lord to save his life. God not only allowed Hezekiah to live, but he also added 15 years to his life!

When I heard that story I thought of another, similar story. In Exodus 32, the people of Isreal lost faith in God and started making idols to worship. God was so angry that he was ready to destroy the ENTIRE Isreal nation!


Exodus 32: 9-10 Then the Lord said, “I have seen how stubborn and rebellious these people are. ¹⁰ Now leave me alone so my fierce anger can blaze against them, and I will destroy them.

However, Moses pleaded for God to spare Isreal (Exodus 32:11-13) and this is what happened...

Exodus 32:14 So the Lord changed his mind about the terrible disaster he had threatened to bring on his people.

I  was raised with the thought that everything is predestined and that we have no free will. I never believed that, but didn't really know how to argue my case. Now, I have that argument! If everything is predestined, why would it make a difference if Hezekiah pleaded for his life or if Moses pleaded for the lives of an entire nation? Luckily, we have a God that shows mercy to those that love Him! He may not deliver us from every disaster. But if a person loves God and CHOOSES to put their faith in Jesus, they will find mercy in Heaven.

 

21 Days of Prayer/Journaling - Day 3 - "Have Faith"

The question posed today by Pastor Hoover is, "Have you ever arrived at a place in your life that you never would have chosen yourself?"

The answer to this question is easy, but very difficult to share. I am in that place right now and God has still not revealed why He asks me to wait. I just know that it's not my time, yet.

I have wanted to be a mother for a long, long time. I remember even at the age of 16 thinking how great it would be to have a child to love and to care for. I would have had a very different life had God granted me that wish when I was so young. So, for that, I am very thankful that God didn't grant my wish, but the desire for motherhood has never really gone away.

Now people ask me all the time, "When are you going to have kids?" My husband and I have been married for nearly 6 years and it just seems like the natural course of action. Get married, have kids, grow old. There are several reasons why my husband & I have not had children. However, the most important is that God has asked for my patience. I get those promptings in my heart, those gentle whispers, that say, "Not yet."


In the meantime, I try not to focus on the things I don't have and instead I focus on the amazing things God has given me. I am so thankful that I have had this time to get to know my husband. He is an amazing man and I learn something new about him every day. I am thankful that God has revealed himself to me. I strive to make Him a part of my daily life so that my family will live in a God-centered home.

So, even though I definitely saw myself with children by now, I have to thank God for not giving them to me, yet. He knows what is best for me. He knows when I will be ready to take that responsibility. I put my faith in Him to decide when that time will be.

21 Days of Prayer/Journaling - Day 2 - "Motives"

Mark 10:51 "What do you want me to do for you?"

Jesus asked this question to a blind man. Jesus knew that the man wanted to see, but Jesus wanted to hear the blind man ask for himself. Today's question for our 21 days of prayer and journaling is...

What would you ask God to do for you if He was standing in front of you?

I had a hard time with this one. I don't often ask for things for myself. I find it much easier to ask for things for other people. Besides, asking for things for myself seems so selfish. However, God WANTS you to ask. A very popular verse in the bible is James 4:2.


"You do not have because you do not ask God"

So, I decided to give it a shot and I asked God to reveal something new to me. Reveal something about Him that I don't know or understand. I have spent most of the day waiting for this revelation. I had faith that He would deliver and I was curious about what He would teach me today. When I got home from work I spoke with my Husband about the conversations we each had with God today. He told me about the things he asked for and I told him about my question. I explained that I felt like God had revealed something new to me during yesterday's journal. It was fun and exciting and I wanted to feel that again. I knew that I just needed to sit down with God one on one before He was ready to reveal this truth to me.

I started writing out this journal (not really knowing where it would go) and I went to biblegateway.com to look up the verse in James 4. That is where God revealed what He wanted me to learn. If you just stop at the end of verse 2, you really don't get the entire message. Let me show you...

James 4: 2"You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you might spend what you get on your own pleasures."

God wants us to ask, but He also wants us to ask for the right reasons. We all want to win the lottery, but why? What's the motive? Oh... we all say that we will give money to the church or other charitable places. But that is only after we buy a million dollar motor home to travel the countryside in. God will only give me what I ask for if He knows that I will use it to glorify HIM!

 

21 Days of Prayer/Journaling - Day 1 - "Whispers"

My church has created a challenge. 21 Days of Prayer and Journaling. For 21 days, the entire congregation will talk to God and create journals to see how the 21 days of prayer will change us.

I don't consider myself a person who prays a lot. I don't bow my head, close my eyes, fold my hands, and "pray". However, I do talk to God... A LOT! And I think that is the point. Praying doesn't have to be this stained glass act. Instead, it is a way to build a relationship with God. You can't build a relationship with anyone if you don't talk to them, right?!

So the challenge begins... Have a meaningful conversation with God every day for 21 days. Let Him know how my day is going, tell him my fears, my achievements, and even the mundane details. Basically, tell Him the same things that I would tell my spouse or my best friend, or my sister. Besides, my relationship with God is more important than any relationship I have on this earth. He is the one who gave me my spouse, my best friend, and my sister!

My conversation with God today consisted of a lot of Thanks! God has given me a lot to be thankful for. I have an amazing husband who loves me, I have a wonderful home, two very funny dogs, and a great job that I enjoy. These are just a few things that I am thankful for. I could list a million other things that I have been blessed with, but I'm not going to bore you with all of them. :)

I also thanked God for allowing me to "hear" him. There has been twice in my life that I could "hear" God. It wasn't an audible "voice" that I heard. It was more of a prompting in my heart. A whisper. The first had to do with a life changing decision. I sat alone in my Jeep in an empty parking lot at 11:00 at night. I cried out, asking God to tell me what to do. At that moment, I felt the prompting in my heart that told me which way to go. I knew it was God because it wasn't the easy choice.  It was the hardest thing I had to do up to that date. However, I did it and soon realized that God had better things waiting for me.

The second time was when I was crying out to God about a medical condition I have. It is a condition that was diagnosed 6 years ago and I will most likely have to deal with it for the rest of my life. It causes a lot of pain and many other issues. Since my diagnosis, this condition has caused me to have 3 surgeries and two hormone treatments putting me into a temporary menopause. I remember crying out to God, telling Him that this just isn't fair! I was angry and I wanted Him to know it! I was tired of hurting and I just wanted Him to take away the pain. I had tears pouring down my face when I suddenly felt a peace come over me like a warm blanket. I could feel God wrapping His arms around me and cradling me. And again, there was this prompting in my heart. I could feel His love. At that moment I knew that, although He wasn't going to take this ailment from me, He will always be there to comfort me. The feeling I had was like wrapping up in your daddy's arms after falling and skinning your knees as a child. The wounds were still there and there was still pain. But for a moment the pain disappeared because you were with someone that you know loves you and would take away the pain if he could.

The moments I have had are so intimate and beautiful that it is almost hard to share them with others. However, I think it is important to understand that God doesn't "talk" like you and I talk. The best example I have of this is in my favorite verse of the bible, 1 Kings 19: 11-13.

¹¹ “Go out and stand before me on the mountain,” the Lord told him. And as Elijah stood there, the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. ¹² And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper. ¹³ When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave."

You see... God wasn't in the windstorm, or the earthquake, or the fire. He was the gentle whisper! He is not here to yell and scream at you. He wants to whisper to you and whispers, by design, are intimate. You can't hear a whisper if you aren't standing close enough to hear! You can't hear a whisper if you aren't listening closely! I often long to "hear" God again. However, I only "hear" God when I get myself out of the way to get near enough to Him to listen to the whispers.